Balance For Better
So there is a lot of information and opinions about women and our movement towards equality today. That’s cool. I love being a woman in 2019. I love the push for education, more inclusion, representation, expanding our roles, and supporting each other, for ending violence and bullying and for promoting equality. It’s great.
We are at least starting to question the idiomatic tropes we use for strong women. Women are proud of being strong, being leaders, being vocal, being involved and taking ownership and leadership in our communities. Being categorized as pushy, bitchy, bossy, hard on staff, hawkish, too aggressive, unladylike, and other negative adjectives are being questioned as bigotry.
We are questioning our own goals and dreams. That’s great.
I want to talk about an aspect of being a woman that still needs to be lit up and discussed: the choice of not wanting to participate in motherhood
Thank goodness we live in a time when women have more choices about the “when” of their reproductive cycle. Now I’m going to push the envelope further to have us embrace, acknowledge and celebrate those that say no to motherhood.
Yup, that got your hackles up didn’t it. Not every woman wants to be a mother. How we view people who do not want children evokes powerful emotions and almost always instant judgment.
It’s time for us to move towards supporting and fostering positive acceptance of the woman who decide not to have children. We need to embrace those choices without negative judgment. I’ll say it again another way: there are women who have no interest in bearing and raising children. Their choice is just as valid and appropriate as the choice about when to bear and raise children.
As a society we don’t like that idea. Our negative judgment spectrum goes from pity to harsh selfishness. We think oh poor girl, she is unable to have children. The bottom end of the judgment: she thinks she’s too good for motherhood. Even those in the middle equate the choice of being childless as some form of abandonment or a less than valid choice.
We assume every woman wants to be a mother. We think there is something wrong with the woman who does not want to participate in reproduction. We denigrate her choice as unnatural. We call her names and step away from her emotionally and physically. We think we have to fix her. We want to change her mind.
Women who choose not to have children are not old maids or self-centered. They are not spiteful hags or morally corrupt. They have made a choice, and the choice is not “later” to children; it’s no. We need to respect that decision.
I wish we were more supportive of women who want to remain childless. Really, think about it.
People want to believe motherhood is instinctive. It is not. It is a learned skill. You can improve motherhood skills through education.
I’m not going to discuss the pros and cons of who should or shouldn’t make decisions about women’s reproductive health. I’m also not going to talk about world over population and diminishing resources. I am saying that our education and socialization regarding motherhood needs to shift to a better balance.
We need to remember that value as a woman is intrinsic in being human, not what we chose to do with our bodies. As has been said over and over: we are human beings, not human doings.
So yes, we need to embrace and accept women who choose not to have a child. We need to thank them. Not just because of the population growth, but because it’s the right thing to do. We need to stop bullying women for their choices. We should celebrate choice. Working moms, stay at home moms, women who decide not to be a mom. They are important, their choices are valid no matte what our bodies are capable of doing. That’s equality and balance.
So this #InternationalWomensDay, let’s do some real #balance. Let’s support the choice to say NO.
